Good ol’ Pareeeee was busted for having cocaine in her purse in Vegas over the weekend. I’m almost as shocked as when I saw Lady Gaga in pants last week. Paris Hilton was with her herpes-flavor-of-the-week when cops detected “the strong smell of marijuana coming from the vehicle.” As her BF Cy Waits failed sobriety [...]

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I wouldn’t exactly call it a makeover, Bob. (“Office Space,” laymen.) Courtney Love actually looks 75 percent better than she usually does. So I guess I won’t be that mean. However, I did just get a phone call from my grandma and she is pissed. She wants her scarf back.

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Sweet! Chelsea Handler will be hosting the MTV Video Music Awards Sept. 12. I want to be her when I grow up. Booze, sex and wit. I’ve got two of those and the other one only costs 12 bucks a handle.

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Damn, Glenn Close grew some sideburns. Wait. That’s Sean Penn in Dublin shooting a scene for his new film, “This Must Be The Place.” Sexy? Um. Right.

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Six Grammy nominations, one of Time magazine’s most influential people in the world, 13 million albums and 51 million singles sold. So bloody what. Lady Gaga is now reigning “Twitter queen,” as she calls herself. Yeah. Take that. She just surpassed Britney Spears over the weekend with more than 5.7 million followers. When I get [...]

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Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren have finalized their divorce. Dammit, I had such high hopes for that ideal pair. Well at least now he can go crazy in other womens’ pants. Oh. Wait. Nordegren initiated the divorce, according to court papers, writing the marriage was “irretrievably broken.” She should have irretrievably broken his face.

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The roast of David Hasselhoff oozed a conglomeration of unadulterated Hollywood charm. Pamela Anderson, Jerry Springer and Hulk Hogan mocked their dear friend for his alcohol troubles and the infamous drunken cheeseburger video Sunday night on Comedy Central. Meanwhile, Kid Rock and David Spade manned the afterparty fire pit in the Walmart parking lot. Denise [...]

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Boys. Clean up that drool. You look like idiots. Go lube up in some Axe, play PlayStation, sharpen your knives and drink beer. Or whatever that man shit is that you do. Sylvester Stallone said in his “mind’s eye,” he has plotted a sequel for “The Expendables.” Aw. I feel fuzzy inside. The testosterone-laden dude [...]

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Tyra Banks is getting heat for an “America’s Next Top Model” trailer on the CW. Apparently a 6’2″ model contestant — who has an extremely small waist, so small, in fact, that Miss J. locked both of his hands around her — is stirring up controversy. Although Tyra apologized, naturally she attempted to skirt the [...]

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