Did you see all those Hazmat homies around Aspen recently?
The town had to be disinfected due to king and queen STD in town.
Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt recently virused around Aspen in boots with the fuuuur and goggles.
It’s neat to pretend you snowboard. It’s also neat to walk on two inches of ice in stilettos. [...]

I don’t care, but perhaps you do?
Singer Taylor Swift and “New Moon” star Taylor Lautner reportedly split, according to Us magazine.
“It wasn’t really developing into anything, and wasn’t going to, so they decided they were better as friends,” a source told Us. “There was no chemistry.”
Nah. Really?
Those two seem like utter bores.
I saw more chemistry [...]

Charlie Sheen’s lovely soirée in a neighboring Aspen jail seems to be well-deserved.
He and his wife, Brooke Mueller, got in a drunken argument involving jealousy over a blah blah blah about one of Sheen’s kids with a prior wife.  Mueller allegedly threatened divorce and to take their nine-month old sons, according to a police report.
Mueller [...]

Van Morrison and his wife Gigi Lee welcomed a son, George Ivan Morrison III, Monday.
“Little Van … the spitting image of his daddy. He is a dual citizen of Northern Ireland/United Kingdom and the United States,” the singer wrote.
Get the kid some wrinkle cream and Viagra?
I’m not hating. Kisses, Van. xoxo.

Pete Wentz has a black eye.
My mind is overflowing with so many insults it’s tough to isolate just one.
A source told Us magazine that Wentz simply fell on the street and that the bruise “is not as bad as it looks.”
It’s neat how the upper right quadrant of his eyelined face can jump off and [...]

As Hallmark cards have made a foray to cryptic shorthand micro-blogging, emocions, acronyms and numbers, the honoring of the passing of Brittany Murphy, 32, this weekend, was expressed by many a celebrity via Twitter.
Ashton Kutcher’s, minus the “2″ use for to, was actually quite sweet. Aw.
“2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. [...]

Is a hiring a legit stylist too much to ask, Mariah? You can terrorize California with those duds, but pray keep them out of our state. That would be super.

Nominees for the 67th annual Golden Globe Awards
MOTION PICTURES
Picture, Drama
“Avatar,” “The Hurt Locker,” “Inglorious Basterds,” “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire,” “Up in the Air.”
Picture, Musical or Comedy
“(500) Days of Summer,” “The Hangover,” “It’s Complicated,” “Julie & Julia,” “Nine.”
Actor, Drama
Jeff Bridges, “Crazy Heart”; George Clooney, “Up in the Air”; Colin Firth, “A Single [...]

A court axed Courtney Love from the parenting duties of 17-year-old Frances Bean Cobain, whose guardianship is now with Kurt Cobain’s mother and sister.
Whew. Suri Cruise would do a better job than Love.
When Frances turns 18, maybe she can become the legal guardian of her batshit-crazy mother.
Poor girl.

Lindsay Lohan is selling her unwanted and “lightly used” clothing on the family’s Web site, www.LohanHouse.com.
Found inside numerous pairs of jeans pockets, included (but not limited to): reversed eightball baggies with traces of saliva; condoms, tourniquets and looted baubles.
OK kidding, but watch out for the critters. Ew.