On TLC’s last night’s “You Ask, Kate Answers,” (then we all swim in urine, because that would be more fun) she gabbed about 99 percent of things I could care less about — one being she wants to act in a movie.
Ha!
That’s all.
No it’s not.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Remember in high school when those rats would lurk outside of the mall for hours upon end, while smoking cigarettes and being a damn nuisance to society?
That was you? My bad. You would.
Loligagging on asphalt never proved to be a entertaining activity for me.
But, on Nov. 7, Park Meadows Shopping Center, 8401 S. Park Meadows [...]

Brad Pitt has a tattoo on his back that Angelina Jolie drew freehand, according to Perez Hilton’s Web site.
Story (hold your breath): She was bored, she sketched some parallel lines and angles on his back, he liked it and made it permanent. Then world collectively had a panic attack over this news.
I’m just excited [...]

According to Facebook, Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are married, again.
The couples’ walls are blanketed with well wishes from friends.
Ha! Friends.
Blake wrote: “Can’t argue with true love. What’s the point?”
Not so fast. We can’t be positive he wasn’t just waxing poetic to the lines and rolled up bills on his coffee table…

Ivanka Trump married the owner of The New York Observer Saturday at big poppa’s fancy golf club.
The Donald’s daughter recently converted to judaism in order to marry her new hubby, who is an Orthodox Jew.
You would think that Regis Philbin serenading the new couple would be the icing on the presumably gold-plated wedding cake.
No, good [...]

Remember the world-wide countdown for the Olsen twins to turn 18?
Radio DJs, internet, TV and boys of all strides were counting down to the “hottest” twins becoming legal.
Sorry about your luck.
Five years later at an age 23-going-on-elderly, doubling the grandma count in a household unfortunately doesn’t strike the fancy of many.
Not that this is fresh [...]

Please don’t ever get divorced.

She’s going to need a few more paper towels to clean up the mess she’s made.
So, apparently now that she’s sleeping with Eddie Cibrian we’re going to continue to see her buying stupid things in hideous shirts. Super.

Rihanna’s new single, “Russian Roulette,” was released today.
I think she needs to play Russian roulette with her wardrobe.
I’m not even going to touch the hair.